Chasing rainbows & Kevin Smith

BOB You're chasing Amy. (to Holden) So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - menage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic. So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I want to hurt her - because I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling. And I'm like "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and she's telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn't do anything wrong, so she's not gonna apologize. So I tell her it's over, and I walk. JAY Fucking a. BOB No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away... [Everyone's silent Silent Bob lights a cigarette.] BOB So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy... (takes a drag from his smoke) So to speak. Kevin Smith, despite the dick and fart jokes, never ceases to amaze with his earnest Frank Capra-esque (thanks, Karen) dialogs which can really cut to the quick of the imperfect human experience. Things are messy, messed-up, complicated and represent the shades of gray that make decisions difficult to make. Silent Bob is the voice of the zen master, wise but never preachy. But, just because you realize the mistake, you think you have a solution, doesn't mean things are going to work out in a fairy-tale ending. People fall short, forget birthdays for business meetings, and can't make the decision that seems so obvious to someone else. Thanks Kevin, for keeping it real. For showing that people can grow and change, but some things will always be the same (like Jay and Bob leaning against the walls of buildings.) Thanks for having earnest characters in an era where sarcasm and irony reign. Oh, and your Smodcast kicks ass, too. (And I liked Jersey Girl.)

You lose some, you win some.

In this case, my family lost two trash bags full of old clothes and linens and deduced it from their 2008 taxes. And I gained mint copies of Chasing Amy (1997) and Clerks (1994?) laserdiscs for my Kevin Smith collection as well as a VHS copy of the divine Undercover Blues (1993), starring Kathleen Turner and Dennis Quaid (trailer here). Now all I need is a time machine to go back to 1996 to get a VCR and laserdisc player. The Clerks and Chasing Amy LD's have joined the ranks of 4-5 X-Files season 1 LD's I got in Berkley, CA six years ago. Who knows how long it will be till my movie collectibles have a permanent display area, but I've got a MIB Mulder & Scully that are just dying to get the privacy of a cabinet, knowhatimean?

Homesickness is funny.

Well, not really funny. Kind of agonizing. They tell you when you're a camp counselor to help girls identify that they are not physically sick from missing home, that they're just missing home. But what about when home is all these associations, intangibles, people far far away. I'm watching Catch & Release (oh Kevin Smith, you sassy scene-stealer) and seeing all these Colorado trappings, missing Angie and Blue and all my co-counselors, Songbird and Zig-Zag. I also had an existential crisis in the yogurt aisle at the grocery store and called mah momma, which brings up how I'm all grown up yet still need some guidance. Also, longest graveyard shift ever. And I love chubby clever boys like Kevin Smith, my sweetheart, and Jack Black.