As much as I love my job...

I adore being a facilitator. There's always room for improvement as a person and employee, I'm with a lot of people who give feedback that is consistently coming from a caring and thoughtful place and given with love, and I can concentrate on the differences I make in the lives of young people instead of the horrors going on in the world. And then here is a big AND (because when you say "but" you are negating what you just said). And despite all those great things, I am dreading going to work a little this morning. I know I'm getting a Memo of Concern on finishing my degree, which just sounds terrifying. Though I was told last week that I am qualified for my job, I still am always worried that I'm about to be sacked. The recent hardship is that I need another Art History class to finish my degree at MICA, and with another one of my co-workers starting grad school, this is not what my employer needed from me; Unlike C's classes, that MICA class is not in the evening or on a weekend, it's smack in the middle of the day and amounts to 12 hours a week just commuting and sitting in Bunting, much less homework or field trips. So, as I prepare to brave the snowy world outside my door, I am sharing my resolution with you all: I resolve to be like the farmer in my understanding of Karma, that I will create good Karma for being thankful for whatever happens to me, as that is the only thing that could have happened in that space and time. And I know that I need to get my degree, and that PBC wants me to do that but, flatteringly, still needs me. Now you all know what that Damn. image was about last month. I made a mistake on my degree plan, I need an art history class, but I am still happy and healthy at my current job, where I intend to be for the next few years.

I have yet to be eaten by a bear.

Even in the center of the western world, New York City, I find a little bit of heaven barefoot in the grass in Central Park, chomping on a Snow Cone. As I relaxed on July 4th, Independence Day, with my faux-family in Allentown, PA, I came to the realization that I long passed my own "independence day." And yet, somehow, I am still not entirely dependent. I find myself relying on others now more than ever, now that I am part of the Real World. This morning I woke up thinking I was driving someone just 45 minutes away to a NJ Transit stop in Dover. Shortly thereafter I found myself in Newark on a train to New York City, without earphones, wireless card, or cellular phone. I'm heading back out on the subway to Penn Station just as soon as I can remember how to get there and rest my toes. I spent $4 on the ticket to NY, $2 on the subway, and $5 on the Met (don't go to see the Tara Donavan piece, it's unimpressive at best, and if there were more air currents in the room it might be a little more lively.) Artscape is going on in Baltimore, and here I am, miles away and a world apart from all I know and love, and I'm doing just fine okay at that. ...And now, just hours later, I'm back on the porch of my cabin, Twins, enjoying a hazy late afternoon and watching the young phoebe's that nested atop my porch light hawk and hover in pursuit of some unlucky flies and such. Drinking white birch beer and enjoying the midsummer breeze, I've got to say that New Jersey, thus far, has become quite good to me.

Hello from the porch of the main lodge!

Gosh, I missed 'blogging! Those who have tried to reach me will understand that I have very crappy reception here, and internet doesn't go all the way to my front porch so I am largely disconnected. Still, I'll try and update you all on my new job. Of course, this 'blog is not just for you all, it's my own catalog of daily life for my future self, and it's primarily that reason that makes me realize how important it is to keep blogging. Today I hope to take a bunch of photos of where I live for you all, as well as of the new car (and plates!). Oddly enough, I didn't get a registration sticker for my plates at the MVA in Newton yesterday, so here's hoping I don't get pulled over anytime soon. Also on the agenda for today is figuring out whether or not I can swim 550 yards in the lake in an unspecified amount of time. It's actually cool and humid out, so not the best day for getting in the lake, but I'd rather not waste time tomorrow that could otherwise be spent on the ropes course learning high elements if I can't do the qualifying swim. Also, my hair is in my eyeballs, and I am signing up for insurance next Monday.