Beginning of the end.

There's something my friend Blue said during the last few weeks of camp last year, and it holds true. It's important, whether it's your first week of counseling or the very last, that for someone it's their first; Finishing strong is so important. It seems like I didn't really do that at MICA. Did I grow as an artist, finish and bring unity to my work in the last year? Not really. If anything, the stuff is more all-over the place, divergent, sprawling and meandering (in a bad way). I'm starting to get the final set of critiques from my instructors, and I've got to say we're both dissapointed. As much studying of Zen I've done in the past year, I have not lived in the moment--with my feet tucked under comforters and my eyes cast off into the distance, I've stumbled through this last year. Today I have the first interview for a full-time job, and I am thankful for the opportunity.

Oral storytelling

I am totally addicted to listening to mp3 recordings from The Stoop. This American Life, hosted by the sultry and seductive Ira Glass, along with storytelling nights in other major cities, is largely responsible for the active storytelling scene being enjoyed by our country, and by our amazing Charm City, too. Though we think that TAL has done a little shark-jumping since their cable TV series came out. But we still love you, Ira. The intro for This American Life works well to introduce The Stoop: "Every [show] we choose a theme, and present [seven seven-minute] stories about this theme." Laura Lippman of the Baltimore Sun and several non-fiction titles (on the topic of failure at The Stoop): See, that's the thing--failure is kind of beautiful. Failure is spectacular. Failure is memorable. Failure is Lucille Ball in the candy factory and the conveyor belt is backing up and she's putting chocolate in her apron and chocolate in her bra and chocolate in her mouth, and she's fired by the end of the shift. Failure is a story, every time you tell it it gets better. What's really bad is mediocrity, which is private and boring. Mediocrity is like body odor or a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Mediocrity is something that happens behind a closed door most of the time. If you enjoyed the Black Panther:Rank & File symposium and exhibit, you'll enjoy Marc Steiner's storytelling of a generation before mine in cities all across America working together for revolution and to fill the needs of their fellow men. The Stoop is partnered with The Creative Alliance, a great great non-profit here in the city that has artists' residencies, shows, benefits, film, performance art, workshops, and has flourished for over a decade. The next The Stoop show is June 9th, 2008, and the topic will be stories about camp (This American Life's camp episode here) and you can buy tickets here, a steal at $12.

Lots of choices!

I just finished putting my resume onto higheredjobs.com. I'm getting my Wilderness First Responder in March, but I don't have enough climbing experience to work with Educo, and I can spend my summer applying for fall jobs, which can be either reslife or part time reslife and outdoor ed or all outdoor ed. There are advantages and disadvantages to wanting to do many things with your life. You can always mix it up, there are forever options for places you can look for work, you have lots of unique skills that set you apart from a typical job applicant. The disadvantage is that I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions simultaneously. Once again, I am the girl who thinks she can have everything she wants. I think I can be leading young people on wilderness adventures, and saving up money and living on-campus someplace. Reality is, it's probably got to be one or the other. I am thinking of going back to the camp I worked at last year for the summer simply because it will be easy. It will be doing something I know (even if camp is never easy 'cause of the long hours and low pay), and I will be able to concentrate on finishing thesis and packing up my Baltimore life into a couple door-to-door storage units before heading out to beautiful Northern Colorado. I'd love to see the girls who were in my camps last year, I'd love to work with Blue, who's a great peer leader and will be at her third year at this camp. There are so many little reasons that it makes sense to go back. It'll be nice to leave some things behind, lighten my emotional load, and be someplace completely different after graduation. Openings aren't up yet for the fall positions at colleges and universities, but I've got a start. I've got to try and leave my club at least as good as I got it a few years ago, and I gotta fledge from the place I love at some point. The date I went on the other night, I basically did the admissions schpiel for him as I showed him my campus and introduced him to fellow MICAns and grads at the local pub over some cider. I love the place that I chose to go to school, and I hope to one day work for an institution that inspires some of the same feelings in their students, for the same reasons it did for me: MICA was a place where I could fumble, learn, make mistakes, and start to grow up. And if I don't leave it, I'm never going to be who I'm supposed to.

Give me a break.

I'm spending this break with a friend from Fort Collins from camp, and thus far her house is so much like mine and I feel so at home that being here is a real luxury. I'm catching up on sleep and junk food, showering almost daily with glorious water pressure, got some conceptual art theory books from the library (none of the books I looked up were in the system, which was a bummer.) Finished Shopgirl by Steve Martin, which was a little too wan and ironic for me, but enjoyable nonetheless (I wonder if the movie is any worse?). It's amazing how wonderful telephone reception and internet is. Also the ability to eat when I want. I got a hydration bladder for less than $10 at WalMart which adds another 2 litres carrying capacity for hikes, which is really really neccessary. I did laundry, and am washing my sisters' sleeping bag, got to do a little ironing too, which is always a pleasure. Hope for next week is that I get Girls ROCK! camp, which is all Girl Scout Juniors, 9 through eleven, and will include an awful lot of rock climbing and hiking , and will be a less gruesome 6 day camp, as opposed to ten days. Now if you excuse me, I've got books to read and feet to put up.

Time Traveler's Wife reminds me of John Titor. That is all.

All that I can say is that I am in dire need of this coming Tuesday night through Sunday morning off. I had a 10-day camp, and while I loved getting to know the girls, from scheduling to ratio to injuries up the wazoo, I can’t imagine a camp going worse. On the optimistic side (and despite a tendency towards bitterness and frustration at times, I do have one), I finished The Time Travelers’ Wife and figure that the next camp, whatever it may be, can’t go a whole lot worse. And I know at some point I’ve got to stop trying to shift blame or be defensive, but it’s not like I didn’t show the Asst. Director my schedule. It’s not like she couldn’t have seen the gaping holes in coverage during the weekend that there would be VERY limited staffing to fill. When your girls are starting to know that you need a break, and have showered more recently than you, that is when it really hits you: you are an inefficient, poorly-planning leader in the workplace, and your 9 to 11 year olds can see it. One other thing I learned about this age group is they hate not knowing the scheduling, the plan, what we’re doing, when we’re doing that, what goes after, etc. There were times that I was driven pretty darn crazy by the incessant questions, which is when you start making up games like you have to ask every other camper and only then can you ask a counselor, or say “it’s a surprise” “we’ll do that when we finish this” etc. What positive things can I say about the past week? My girls are amazing troopers, brave, repairable, patient, caring, kind, intelligent, clever, and funny. The coolest part about this summer is that I’ll literally have had dozens of girls by the end of it. And while I am not the most experienced, most patient, wackiest camp counselor, I am needed here, if only as a warm-body over-18 “child-care provider.” Last night we slept under the stars where the first girl scouts slept on the property here back in 1960 (Pan, who was one of those cadettes who camped in 1960, still helps out every Wednesday). Finishing books is always bittersweet. Last night we slept under the stars where the first girl scouts slept on the property here back in 1960 (Pan, who was one of those cadettes who camped in 1960, still helps out every Wednesday). The moon was full, and despite a little cloud cover, there were more stars out there than you can –ever- see in Baltimore. You know that one scene in Joe Versus the Volcano (Meg Ryan & Tom Hanks first rom-com together), where they’re on the trunk-raft, and the moon rises over the sea, and it looks like a dinner plate six inches from Joe’s face? It was like that. So, as I cried over the end of the happy parts of the book simultaneous to the beginning of the teary ending, the moon loomed over the pine and aspen with seeming concern. The adventure of last week was getting library cards at Estes Park library, and now that I’ve finished The Time Travelers Wife I can start on Geek Love, Shopgirl, and the Wicked Son. Geek Love is a little oddball for me (“Geek” in this title refers to the circus performers that eat glass, live chickens, etc.). A couple of my campers offered to take me home for the three day vacation, where I could do amazing things like going to outdoor sporting goods stores, replacing the sunglasses I lost on a hike (third pair for the summer, $20), watch cable, wear flip-flops, etc. I also am really very grateful for this camp because my co-worker was an international staff member that I wasn’t sure about, and I am so so so glad to have worked with her, and hope I get to be with her a few more times this summer.

Five hours, two pair gloves, eight stitches later.

So, today at work I had two injuries [to my campers]. One was a minor fall, no bruising as of now, and the other was a fall-with-branch, wherein one of my Junior-age girl scouts got very cleanly puncture slash ripped in her knee. Blue (CIT director) and the CIT’s were nearby where we were playing this doomed game of camouflage, and I asked all the girls to go sit at the green cathedral (where we have scouts’ own ceremonies) while me and my co administered first aid. You could see fatty tissue, meaning it was a pretty serious wound, but no muscle or bone, so it was just a flesh wound. Anyway, I used the maxi pad in my bag, told my co to put on a glove and she held it there till I got a BZK wipe to wipe away blood, and any remaining foreign matter (of which there was none), wrapped gauze tape around the wound, taped it, put an Ace bandage on top for compression, and then walked her up to the Pill Box. There was a lot of blood, at first, but once pressure was applied, there was really no problem, and I knew that stitches and hospital trip would be a big deal, but I’m also sure I administered adequate and appropriate first aid (though at this point I am thinking just a Telfa pad, taped on, and compression bandage would have been more finessed. But, the care was right. Not to mention she fell really well on that stick, what with how clean it cut her. I feel bad because this was the second injury while playing camouflage in the area we played it in, and maybe I should have moved the girls, maybe we shouldn’t have been there. Maybe I overestimated the abilities of Juniors to not run with lots of dead wood around. Bygones, things in the past, just a flesh wound, etc. but I know it was pretty scary for my girls, for the nurse and camp director and my co-counselors’. At least it was nothing too serious. No bending the knee too much, she’s moving to a bottom bunk, and it may get sore, but 8 stitches later and we’re all okay. And a little more cautious for the experience. Really thankful for the WFA training though. I’m thinking about doing N Outdoor Leadership School or American Red Cross Wilderness First Responder, which is 10 days or so, but seems pretty sweet. Of course, what does WFR have to do with Residence Life and Student Affairs, I have no idea. Other than every employer loves ridiculous certifications.

Hello from Colorado

Wednesday night it snowed off and on for 24 hours, we slept in the lodge for two nights so we wouldn't freeze in our tabins. It's beautiful and crazy here, today we had our first campers of the season. I love being a unit leader because my cousnelors can just concentrate on being good counselors, and I handle logistics, mostly. Anyway, this is my first time online since May 28th. I am planning on hiking into Rocky Mountain National Park for my 21st birthday. I am a camp counselor. A friend made a lascivios comment on AIM and I am honestly so not there right now. There is no time of the year less sexy than camp for me. I mean, I love it, I built a fire that burned so hot that my hand is 1st degree burnt. I have my wilderness first aid cert. I learned to drive conversion vans. And I have no cell phone reception. But, I continue to believe that it's valuable to be open, honest, and genuine in exchanges. I read another friends' blog today and I found it lacking in anything that was emotional or personal, and that frustrates me because I can't even hide those things. I am horrible at hiding my emotions and I know it. Our staff is 1/3 Colorado, 1/3 domestic, 1/3 international. Next week I go rock climbing and whitewater rafting with a lovely posh girl from Gloushteshire, UK. My fave roomie is an Aussie. I am challenged and happy right now. A little isolated, a little missing y'all, friends and fam, but excited and envigorated. Now if only I could stop huffing and puffing from the thin air.

Practice in self-reflection

Being an RA, there was a decent amount of emphasis on self-reflection. Even the High School @ Moorpark College, where I spent my senior year of high school, with it's emphasis on career exploration through ethnographic study and doing all those lovely Myers-Briggs and career assessment inventories, placed a vast emphasis on self-reflection, understanding functions of an individual within society or a given workplace culture. I ha an interview today with Meadow Mountain Ranch for a Unit Leader - Outdoor Specialist position. The interest in this job, and jobs like this, are manyfold. After all, I was nature girl till art school. I was going into fisheries and wildlife management, probably at University of Maryland, College Park. I love ropes courses, rock climbing, being outside, getting dirty, animals and plants, ecology. I am a much different person when I get enough sunshine. Anyway, I talked in my interview today with Buster from Meadow Mountain about lots of things, but some things I heard were that they're a drama-free camp, that they teach you in training to help girls learn to not interact with relational agression, try to break up cliques. Apparently the other Unit Leaders are really open and excited about new co's, and that while I may experience feeling like the new girl come comin' to camp, I feel like I'm not gonna feel that way come the end. Talking about how I'd had to resign from my job earlier, I also was able to talk about not going back to Kamaji, and how it wasn't a good fit, and maybe MICA's not the best fit for me, maybe MICA's ResLife program isn't the best, and when I graduate as much as I might really really love to come back to my alma mater, there may not be an appropriate position, much less an open one, for me. Right, so, Buster complimented me on my self-reflection skills, which a lot of people don't have, she said, and I immediately thought of one of the Student Affairs blogs I read in which they talked about the emphasis on that at their grad program. Anyway, I got offered a position in Estes, Colorado, up near Boulder an Estes National Park, and should have another decent line of work experience to add to my Student Affairs resume, plus a reference or two. Pay's paltry, but the experience should be pretty priceless. You don't always get the jobs you want in life. You apply, pitch yourself as fulfilling each and every qualification for the position, hobnob, use the professional watermarked resume paper. Sometimes, the place offering the job and the person looking to get hired just don't match up right, and that doesn't mean you lose , or that you are a worthless human being. Just means you didn't get the job.