Monday, April 9, 2007

I'm in a glass case of emotion

Despite the fact that I didn't pull an all-nighter last night, I am still one cranky, teary-eyed girl today. When I'm well-rested, I generally maintain my composure all day before drifting off, worilessly, to sleep. When I am deprived of eight hours of shut-eye? I'm a terror. Not only that but relatively completely unproductive.

Right now, I find myself, as so often occurs in these semesters here at MICA, starting to fall behind in a class or two. I don't do an assignment, it makes me depressed, I'm depressed so I turn hypochondriatic, I miss more classes, sleep a lot, get farther behind, ad infinitum. This will not do. I had a poor critique today in my first class, am woefully behind in type and am prepared to kiss ass to try and get caught up but couldn't POSSIBLY do any work right this second (because I'm too busy crying).

Isn't there someone else who's problems I can worry about instead of my own?

Why can't I just be like Tracey Emin and put all my shit out there in my artwork for catharsis? Why do I choose repeat pattern--structured, unemotional repeat pattern--as a way to create imagery? Why don't I rend fabric till my hands bleed? I don't neccessarily know that art is that cathartic for me. Actually, I don't know that anything is really that cathartic for me; I'm a high-strung person.


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