Tuesday, April 3, 2007


As I wait for my lasagna with matzo to cook in the oven before heading off to a critique in the class I TA for, I can't help but think of the past. I think of the past almost as much as I think of the future, and certainly more than I live in the present.

Anyway, when J broke up with me, I felt like it was the end of my world. Then I lost my job, and then I -really- felt like it was the end of the world. Now, I felt like the world had ended, yet here I stand, enjoying the cherry blossoms and pleasant spring weather, and the world continues. It's funny, because I'd never thought of breaking up with someone or losing a jobas the end of the world before. My visions of the apocalypse included zombies, global warming, nuclear war, various and sundry medical outbreaks. But those are simpler, in certain ways, with obvious enemies and tactics. What tactics does one use to reconstruct their emotional life?

I'm really not as depressed as this post may let on, it's just that I'm having a hard time focusing on anything other than the holiday, you know?

Last night was interesting. My sleep schedule's been messed up, I've been taking lots of naps but not staying up late, and there were several points last night where I didn't know whether I was awake or dreaming, and even in retrospect I'm not sure if I was asleep or not. Bizarre.


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