Yesterday

Yesterday would have been a year with J. It wasn't an easy day. One of my roommates is utterly one-month-in in-love with her boyfriend, and I miss that. I miss him. And I still don't regret being with him, and every relationship leads to a better one, and everything, everything, happens for a reason. It was a little more heartbreaking finding out that a new RA has moved into my old quarters. I want to tell her about my residents, but I know she's got to learn how to interact with them in her own ways. A year is not a whole lot of time in the span of a life. It's 1/20th of my life, 5%. So much has changed in such a short while, but it'll just be a blip in memory, eventually. J's sick, it's really hard to resist the urge to be there to comfort him, to call him and see how he feels. Instead, I have to be alone with myself, and think about how I feel. Which is a whole lot harder, for me. While I have fewer responsibilities, there's a lot up in the air right now. Still haven't found a camp job for the summer, or figured out where I'm living and with whom next year. Miss my residents, miss programming for them (though I am doing programming for the Jewish Student Union now that I have the time and can prioritize it). And, of course, there is the reality of how I don't want to be an art-maker right now. How art is less interesting than residents. But, when I step back, I think of how I've grown and changed in the past year, how part of me has become the me I recognize better, the one that explores the city and has days that are easy to reminisce about. Yesterday was tough, but things are getting easier, in ways. As the weather improves, my SAD starts to go away, and that's pretty amazing.